"Our Fish Is Just Too Easy To Catch"

According to George Kramer (left), an award-winning writer from southern California, who spent 40 years writing about bass fishing, that's why we can't clearly separate our top performers from the rest of the crowd. In his words, "Anybody can catch 'em, and with some of our techniques (split-shotting comes to mind), it's even possible to catch bass while taking a nap."

In a piece of his that I found online this weekend, Kramer said, "The guys in the Pacific Northwest have a nasty little saying aimed at our fishing species: 'Any fish that will let you put your hand in its mouth... .' Open-ended as that saying is, it both hurts me and makes me smile.

"The reason is simple enough," continued Kramer. "Those salmonid guys hit the nail right on the head. Look at all the reasons we love those bass. They're plentiful...they're fat and want to be fatter...and they'll bite anything from frog-colored galoshes to peanut-butter-and-jelly-colored cigars. Crum, they're second only to bluegill in the number of bites per hour.

"Just think about all the things we can catch them on...and I don't mean Flying Squid and Whirlybird lures. The legitimate stuff like the pros use will fill lockers, whereas fly fishermen trying to catch river brown trout can stick all their stuff in an eyeglass case.

"I know there's a feeling out there that I'm against the 'average Joe--or even the 'above average Joe--but it's not so. I just have this misguided desire to have our sport seen in the same light as others in the American mainstream.

"I hate wearing my B.A.S.S. patch into town and hearing the muffled redneck references. Heck, I was born in Hollywood, and I even went to college just so I wouldn't have to listen to country-western music.

"Every spring, up and down the state, a host of first-timers floating balls of rainbow Power Bait on a 4-pound leader get double-digit giants. And every summer, somebody reeling in a strip of mackerel belly does almost the same thing. Only those guys have 40-pound mono and 5/0 hooks, and those fish don't get loose.

"Believe me, this perception is not lost on the angling public. Largemouth bass are thought to be such nimrods, the Fresh Water Fishing Hall of Fame still recognizes Sandy DeFresco's Lake Miramar monster (the one with the 2 1/4-pound diver's belt weight in its stomach) as a line-class record. They subtracted the lead's weight since it wasn't natural, but they figured any fish dumb enough and mouthy enough to slurp down a diver's weight needs to be in the record books. And to think we used to worry about a fish spitting a quarter-ounce sliding sinker!

"We live in an angling culture that says nuance and refinement are supreme...and the lure makers love it. They're just like the U.S. Postal Service with its continuous string of new stamp issues. They crank 'em out because they know collectors will buy the dang things.

"The worm whompers do the same thing. They introduce new shapes and new colors every couple of months because they know we'll buy them...and hopefully we'll get ours sooner than anyone else in this weekend's tournament.

"And we're so gullible. We can't wait to grab up another bag of softies...and especially one with a cutesy name. So we climb on the local message board and say, 'I caught 'em on the #1296, salt pro taper, also known as Jimbo's Bimbo.' And, of course, the worm guy will look to sell me a second bag of #1297, known as Jimbo's Bimbo Fire."

Kramer went on to describe a conversation he had with an old friend and worm-maker, Rewji Suenaga of Bonzai worms. Like a lot of hand-pour specialists, he had about 60 colors in his line-up, with the Bonzai "nightcrawler" being the company's trademark color. But he also made all the standards, as well as all the imitations of standards.

He went straight to the point with Suenaga, asking, "Do you make any colors that don't work? Is there anything in the Bonzai line-up that won't catch a fish? I even pressed him to see if he knew if any of his competitors put out a worm color that didn't get bit. Of course, you know the answer.

"But what was I thinking? I went online with Bass Pro Shops and started counting plastic worms, grubs, tubes, cigars, lizards, slugs, skirt grubs...individual sizes and colors...and do you know how many there are?

"I ain't tellin' you. It took me all night to tally 'em up, but I'll give you this much. The copy next to each brand and model said this lure was 'one hot bass catcher'...which should come as no surprise. After all, a bass will hit anything."