A good ol' Alabama boy won a bass boat in a raffle drawing, and as he brings it home, his wife chirps, "What ya gonna do with that? There ain't no water deep enough within a hundred miles of here to float a boat."
He responds, "I won it, and I'm a-gonna keep it."
Several days later, his brother comes over to visit. He asks the wife where his brother is, and she says, "He's out there in his bass boat," pointing toward the field behind their house.
The brother heads out to see his sibling, who is sitting in the boat with a rod in his hand. He subsequently yells out, "What ya doin'?"
His brother replies, "I'm fishin'. What does it look like I'm a-doin'?"
The other brother then yells back, "You know it's people like you who give us Alabamians a bad name...makin' everybody think we're stupid. If I could swim, I'd come out there and whip your butt."
OK, maybe you've heard that one before. If so, perhaps one of the following true-life accounts will perk you up a little bit.
During a tournament, a co-angler bent down to push the boat away from a tree limb as she and her boater trolled past. Unfortunately, the branch broke, and she spun around, landing in the water. Said the boater, "For about half a second, it scared the crap out of me, but when I saw she was OK, I laughed my butt off. The bad thing was that it was pretty chilly out, and she was soaked. Being the kind of smarta** I sometimes am, though, I told her to look on the bright side."
"What's that?" she inquired.
"Riding 20 miles downriver in a 75-mph blow dryer," I cracked. "Needless to say, she didn't find nearly as much humor in that statement as I did."
In another incident, it was the middle of summer as an angler dressed in nothing but a pair of cutoff shorts fished the middle of a stump field full of Florida-strain bass. He was hammering them with a Culprit tequila sunrise worm, just 40 yards from a couple of old guys who were wearing out monstrous lake bream. Suddenly, a big ol' bass nailed the angler's worm and wrapped his line around an underwater limb.
"Being that I was standing on the very front edge of a 14-foot Ouachita johnboat with a casting deck," noted the bass angler, "I should have thought twice about putting the hand-controlled trolling motor on high to reach the fish, but I didn't. Consequently, I didn't see all the underwater obstacles. I got slungshot off the front and made a dive that would have impressed even an Olympian. I was only in about 3 feet of water and don't think my foot ever touched the ground.
"With rod in hand," he continued, "I dragged myself back into the boat...to a standing ovation from the two old guys who had witnessed the whole thing. I acknowledged them with a bow, as I laughed with them. Unfortunately, their laughter turned to dropped jaws when I finally got the 7-lb. 4-oz. bucketmouth that still was hung on the limb. I thought it was worth getting wet, as I slipped her back into the water, with those two old guys yelling for me the whole time to let them have her."
And finally, there is this account of an angler who was fishing by himself, with the wind howling at 40 mph or so as he pulled alongside the dock to tie up and get his truck.
"Being that I was standing on the very front edge of a 14-foot Ouachita johnboat with a casting deck," noted the bass angler, "I should have thought twice about putting the hand-controlled trolling motor on high to reach the fish, but I didn't. Consequently, I didn't see all the underwater obstacles. I got slungshot off the front and made a dive that would have impressed even an Olympian. I was only in about 3 feet of water and don't think my foot ever touched the ground.
"With rod in hand," he continued, "I dragged myself back into the boat...to a standing ovation from the two old guys who had witnessed the whole thing. I acknowledged them with a bow, as I laughed with them. Unfortunately, their laughter turned to dropped jaws when I finally got the 7-lb. 4-oz. bucketmouth that still was hung on the limb. I thought it was worth getting wet, as I slipped her back into the water, with those two old guys yelling for me the whole time to let them have her."
And finally, there is this account of an angler who was fishing by himself, with the wind howling at 40 mph or so as he pulled alongside the dock to tie up and get his truck.
Noted the angler, "I stepped onto the dock and reached back for the boat, only to find that it already had floated away from me. Now mind you, there easily were 40 people standing around. Looking in the direction of my runaway boat, I saw it was heading toward rip rap, downed trees, and tons of crap that could screw up the boat. It easily was between 9 and 11 feet away from me when I decided to throw caution to the wind, make a run, and leap toward the boat. I subsequently found myself with elbows hooked over the side and legs underneath. I kicked and clawed my way into the boat and managed to get it tethered to the dock.
"So, here I was, with people everywhere laughing. My jeans, sneakers, etc., were soaked. I had no choice but to go squishing my way to the truck totally embarrassed. And as if that wasn't bad enough, I had some guy hand me a flyer that read: 'We are giving a safe-boating course next weekend if you are interested.' For a moment, I wished I could plant that flyer where the sun didn't shine. However, I instead just laughed at myself, recovered my boat, and headed home."
Hope you're all feeling better now.
"So, here I was, with people everywhere laughing. My jeans, sneakers, etc., were soaked. I had no choice but to go squishing my way to the truck totally embarrassed. And as if that wasn't bad enough, I had some guy hand me a flyer that read: 'We are giving a safe-boating course next weekend if you are interested.' For a moment, I wished I could plant that flyer where the sun didn't shine. However, I instead just laughed at myself, recovered my boat, and headed home."
Hope you're all feeling better now.
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