Ole is driving by his fishin' buddy Sven's place when he notices a crudely painted sign in the yard that says "Boat for Sale." Knowing that Sven doesn't even own a boat, 'cause they always had rented one, Ole turns around and drives into the yard. There, sitting next to the sign, is an old combine and tractor.
Ole says to Sven, "What da heck do you have dat sign for? It says 'boat for sale,' but it's a dang ol' combine and tractor!"
Sven replies, "Yeah, so what? Dey are boat for sale!"
In this next joke, a city fella goes down to Mankato to fish for walleye, and he's getting skunked. He switches to spoons for pike, but he still is getting skunked. He then throws some dip-bait for cats, and don't you know, the skunk was just continuing. About this time, he notices an old man in a rowboat a few yards away, catching a 3-foot-long fish that fights like mad and looks like a cross between a pike and a crocodile.
"That looks like fun," he says to himself, as he goes over to talk to the guy. "Say, whatcha catchin'?" he asks.
"Gar," says the old man.
"You eat 'em?" asks the city fella.
"Nope," came the reply.
"Why ya fishin' for 'em, then?" continues the city fella.
"Fun," said the ol' man.
"Hmm...would ya mind tellin' me how to catch 'em?" inquires the city fella.
"Fraid not," came the ol' man's response.
By this time, the city fella is gettin' a bit frustrated, so he reaches into his wallet and pulls out a $20 bill. He holds it out and says, "I'll give ya this if you tell me what you're usin'."
The ol' man looks him in the eye, takes the $20 bill, and says, "Fraid not."
Well, now the city fella is ready to climb into the ol' man's boat and beat him up about the same time as the ol' man's rod goes nuts, and he reels in another big gar. He reaches into its maw and pulls out a ragged wad of multi-colored rope.
"What the heck is that thing?" asks the city fella.
"As I've been tryin' to tell ya," said the ol' man, "it's a frayed knot."
And finally, there's this true-life story I plucked from an online website. It's about a man and his two sons who went on a fishin' trip with a Ranger bass boat they borrowed from the dad's boss, who just happened to own the company the dad worked for. The one son described this fella as "loaded--I mean millionaire!"
Said the one son, "We got to the lake, unloaded the boat, and made it halfway across the lake at midnight, only to have the boat then die. Naturally, we called the bossman right away...to no avail. After all, it was midnight."
Subsequently, the dad left a voicemail. "Dave...Uh..." stuttered the dad. "We started up your boat and made it halfway across the lake, but then it died. We know it has fuel, 'cause we topped off both tanks. Where is the switch? If you could call us back, we'd sure appreciate it." But just as he's getting ready to hang up, the dad adds, "We were nowhere near rocks." He thought by saying this the bossman would call back faster.
This threesome just had gotten towed back when Dave called and said the switch was between the dad's legs, just below the seat cushion. "OMG!" said the one son. "We felt so bad for the guys in the pontoon boat that had towed us all the way across the lake, we tried to pay them and explain that the boat wasn't ours, and we thought it was engine trouble. They just laughed at us (as they should have)."
The next day, the threesome headed back out to the shallows, where they lowered the trolling motor and went about catching some small ones. "Eventually, though," said one of the brothers, "we wanted to get on some bigger fish, so my brother got behind the wheel, with my dad in the passenger seat, and me lying on the front casting deck. I signaled to my brother we were good to go, so he started the 250-hp outboard. As it roared to life, and we got to moving, the bow started lifting up. Here we go," I thought, "but then water started dumping on me, and I couldn't see a thing. Meanwhile, my brother at the helm floors the hotfoot, and that 250 now is screaming, but the only thing really happening is that a lot more water is coming aboard. At this point, none of us could see anything.
"When my brother finally cut the engine, I glanced at him, sitting there, squinting his eyes. And my dad was all scrunched over in the passenger seat, with water running full stream off the bill of his hat. A full cigarette he just had lit is now broken in half, soaking wet, but still dangling out the corner of his mouth. There is not even the hint of emotion on his face. You might say he looked as though what just had happened was utterly normal.
"It finally dawned on us what caused the problem. We simply hadn't raised the trolling motor, and it was scooping water from the lake and dumping it all over us.
"To this day, I never have laughed harder than when, all was quiet, I took another look at Dad, saw that deadpan look on his face, and heard him say, 'Gosh darn it, boys! What happened to my smoke?'"
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