Tuesday, June 23, 2020

There's Bad, And Then There's Super Bad

Seems there was this angler who lived in West Virginia and planned to fish a lake in Virginia. He got up and left his house at 7 a.m. on the Saturday in question. He figured that would put him at the lake around 9 a.m., and he then would fish 'til dark.

Everything was looking good until he was about 30 minutes from the lake. Out of the blue, his stomach started making those dreadful rumbling sounds. "No big deal," he thinks. "I'll pull off at the next exit."

He pulls off as planned and quickly sees that the only thing which appears to be open is a McDonald's. "I'll take care of my stomach and grab a quick breakfast," he thinks. One problem, though: The only service is drive-thru...the doors are locked. "OK, I'll just go at the ramp"...or so he assumes.

One look around when he arrives there reveals nearly a hundred trailers in the parking lot. "Wouldn't you know I would have to pick a date when there's a Saturday tourney" was the phrase running through his head. Nevertheless, he preps the boat for launch, then walks over to the bathrooms, only to find the doors locked. "Great...that means a trip to the woods!" he thinks.

Following launch, the angler has been on the water a while without even a sniff of a bite when he looks up and sees the game wardens coming. Luckily, everything was good with them, and they were gone in no time after wishing him a good day.

Two more hours pass without a bite yet, then four more hours, and still no bite. The angler then pulls up on a johnboat with a dude and his girl, who both appear to be in their 20s, and he sees the girl catch two fish just as he passes by. He changes lures to what she's throwing but still has nothing to show for it after another half-hour has passed. This is where things go from bad to ugly.

As the angler tries to crank up the gas motor for a run down the lake, it won't even turn over. "Oh great, now I have a dead cranking battery," he thinks. Moments later, he opens the lid to the bilge to try jump-starting from the trolling battery and finds both batteries halfway under water. "What the crap is this!" he thinks as he begins pumping out gallon after gallon of water.

After an hour's troll, the angler arrives at a ramp halfway up the lake from where he launched. He ties off the boat and leaves the bilge pump running while he bums a ride with a kid back to the launch ramp. He then drives back to where the boat is and loads it up...getting all his clothes wet in the process.

Once he pulls the boat plug, he sees why the boat has been taking on water. There's a big crack in the hull in the seam of a weld on the right side of the transom. He utters an F bomb and makes the two-hour drive home. He just gets the boat parked and is walking around to plug in the battery charger when he notices the license plate on his trailer is missing...apparently having blown off on the trip home.

"What a freaking day!" he exclaims..."and all for not a single bite" as he trudges toward the house.

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