Oh sure, I know there likely are some heartless people who would escape any torment whatsoever in such circumstances. There are those who simply can't or refuse to feel any empathy or compassion for others. However, I want to believe that the vast majority of us would find it very uncomfortable, to say the least, finding a way to deal with the ugly feelings we likely would experience in circumstances such as this.
I recently read about an angler who found himself utterly filled with remorse upon hearing that one of his best friends had suddenly departed this life without warning. The angler subsequently penned the article that follows as a heartfelt apology to this friend.
"I write this article through blurry, tear-filled eyes, in an attempt to save others from the same gut-wrenching pain I've recently experienced...pain that makes me sick to my stomach," he wrote.
"We all have friends in our lives," he continued, "who would walk to the ends of the earth for us...friends who would walk across miles of broken glass if it meant helping us...a special breed of person who can make you laugh uncontrollably with a simple facial expression or have a three-hour phone conversation to console you during a tough time."
The angler's friend was like that.
"He was the funniest individual on Planet Earth. Whether hanging his head out the window of his truck while howling old Garth Brooks songs to innocent passersby, or texting you a ridiculously stupid late-night selfie 'just because,' he never met a stranger. Everyone with whom he came into contact immediately fell in love with him. I've never heard anyone say a bad word about him."
At just 26 years old, the angler's friend passed away unexpectedly just a few short weeks after marrying the love of his life.
"My body went numb when I heard the news," said the angler. "My face and hands tingled. My mouth went dry. I couldn't swallow for the lump in my throat, and it felt like someone had stabbed me in my stomach. I looked out my office window as tears dripped onto my blue Yamaha fishing hoodie. One of my biggest supporters was gone, and I didn't know how to handle it...I still don't.
"My emotions go through different stages each day. Sometimes, I'm mad about it because he was one of those people of which the world needs more. Other days, when I'm sitting in my deer stand or watching the sunset from my bass boat, I feel him with me and cry like a baby without telling a soul. But throughout this proverbial roller coaster of emotions, one sentiment remains constant: regret.
"Why? Because all my friend ever asked of me was to take him fishing. He asked repeatedly. I never got the impression he asked because he wanted to catch fish, although he would have loved to get his hands on a 5-pound fatty. All he wanted was to spend a day on the water with me, laughing and cutting up, making ridiculous jokes, and talking about the simple things in life. Lord knows he and I could have a spirited conversation about both women and nature.
"And I failed him. I'll repeat that: I completely failed one of my best friends. I never took him fishing...I never will, for as long as I'm blessed to live, have another opportunity to make things right.
"I was always 'too busy.' I always had somewhere to be. I always had a tournament to fish. I always had a guide trip to do. I always was on the road. I always had something going on. My selfish mind could not fathom taking time out of my day for someone who meant so much to me. And I absolutely hate that to the core of my being.
"I even forgot to RSVP to his wedding invitation, and he personally texted me to ask if I was coming. I told him I wasn't able to attend due to a fishing tournament...that's right, a darn fishing tournament. I chose to chase little fish around instead of watching one of the best men I've ever known marry his beautiful and very faithful fiancee. What a selfish and repugnant decision that was.
"We all have time. Being busy does not and never will make us special. Everyone is busy. What really makes one special is selflessness, compromise and careful consideration toward the feelings of those we hold close to our hearts. It's a shame it took me 27 years and the loss of a beautiful soul to grasp that concept.
"If you don't have time to take your buddy fishing, make time. Don't make excuses. And don't let your love of this great sport hinder you from experiencing the beauty of life. It's not going to kill you to spend the day with your significant other, instead of being on the water. It's not going to be the end of the world if you take a half-day from work to take your best friend or dad fishing. This is the stuff that matters. Fishing is just a supplement to a full and love-rich life."
None of us know when a hug or conversation with a family member, friend or acquaintance will be the last one ever.
"To all you men, don't be so worried about being manly," the angler continued. "Bear hug your buddies and your women when you see them. Hold their hands and pray together in the boat. Tell them how much they mean to you. Pride is an ugly, deceptive beast...of which I'm living proof.
"And to my departed friend, I say again, 'I'm so sorry for everything. You deserved better, and I'll never forgive myself for it. You put light into my life through some rough personal times, and I'll never forget each and every conversation and heartfelt laugh we had. As tears continue to roll down my face and that familiar lump returns to my throat, I want you to know that I love you. I talk to you all the time when I'm fishing, and though it's not as good as the real thing, I know you hear me because you accepted Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior. For that, I'm thankful. For your dedicated friendship, I'm thankful. And for the memories I'll take to my grave, I'm eternally thankful. 'Til the next sunset, my brother.'"
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