Like a lot of other dreams I had during that period of my life, however, that one never saw the light of day, and maybe it was best it didn't, if the one I read about online recently is any indication of how things could have turned out. I'll share that tale with you here, so you can see for yourself why I say that.
Dell and his fishing buddies, Todd and Mike, had decided to take a float-fishing trip on the Yellowstone River (pictured above) in Minnesota. They floated a section extending from Mayor's Landing in the town of Livingston, where they put in, to Sheep Mountain, where they planned to stop--a distance of 12 miles or so downriver. The take-out point was off an old dirt road outside of town. Not much was around other than cattle and a few ranch houses.
Prior to leaving, they had called and made arrangements for a local outfit to come drive their vehicle to the take-out point. Dell had used this lady...Tootsie was her name...many times before. When he called, Tootsie answered the phone, and she immediately recognized Dell. "Hi, Tootsie. Two friends and I are going to float from Mayor's Landing to Sheep Mountain today. The keys will be in the gas cap."
"OK, Dell," she said. And with that, the plan was set.
The trio fished all day and into the late evening. By the time they reached the take-out point, it was pitch black. Dell headed to the parking area to get his old Jeep Cherokee to load the drift boat on the trailer and head home. When he reached the dirt parking lot, though, his vehicle wasn't there. In fact, there wasn't a car in sight...nothing.
"What the heck?" he wondered. All he could do was go back and tell Todd and Mike. They all agreed Dell should walk to the nearest farm house and ask to use the phone. This was before cellphones became so popular, and besides that, no mobile service had reached this area yet.
Dell made the long walk to the nearest farm house in his waders. As he knocked on the door, the house erupted into a cacophony of dogs barking. It sounded like there was a kennel inside. Soon, a lady who looked to be in her 40s, dressed in a tie-dyed garment, and wearing a nose ring appeared at the door. She had 10 or more Mexican chihuahuas following her, all barking their heads off. You didn't see a lot of tie-dyed garments or chihuahuas around rural Montana in those days, so Dell was thinking to himself, "OK, this is kinda weird."
The lady was nice enough, though, and agreed to let him use her phone when he told her what had happened. She told him to come on in, but when he pointed out he was wearing waders and boots with dirt and crap on them, she took the phone to him at the door. As she opened it, he could see many more chihuahuas in the house, all still barking at him.
Dell quickly called Tootsie to ask where his Jeep was but only got her answering machine. He left a message but also called back immediately, only to have the same results again. He told the tie-dye lady what had happened, and she offered to have her daughter drive him back to Livingston. He gratefully accepted, and the tie-dye lady left to get her daughter, leaving him standing at the door with all the dogs still barking.
He started glancing around and saw a woman sitting on the couch with four or five more chihuahuas that he hadn't seen before. She looked like Rosie O'Donnell in Carhartt jeans, a bikini top, and wearing logging boots. He said hi, but she didn't respond, so he thought she perhaps hadn't heard him...given the fact the dogs still were upset and barking.
Meanwhile, the tie-dye lady came back with her daughter--a gorgeous 26- or 27-year-old. She said she'd be glad to give him a ride back to Livingston to get his vehicle. They subsequently walked out to her Jeep Wrangler and got in. She then lit a cigarette, started up the Jeep, cranked up Hells Bells by AC/DC on the radio, and headed down the road. I asked her how many chihuahuas they had at the house, and her answer was 40. "Wow! That's a lot of dogs," he said.
"Yeah, and I hate all of 'em," she responded.
Then she tapped on Dell's leg and asked, "So, you married?"
He answered yes, adding that they lived in Billings.
"Oh well, I just moved here from LA to live with my mom for a while," said the daughter. "I used to be a stripper, and my mom thinks I need to find something else to do. I think I'm going to try modeling."
Dell then noted she might have a good chance at modeling, given how beautiful she was, but added that Livingston, Montana might not be a good modeling base to work from.
She agreed with him and said, "Hey, do you want to stop and get a beer?"
Dell answered back that he still was in his waders, and, too, his buddies still were waiting for him to get to the take-out site with the vehicle.
"That's probably best for me, too," said the daughter. "I shouldn't be drinking beer while I'm on Prozac, anyway."
"Yeah, probably not good," confirmed Dell.
When they finally arrived at Livingston, Tootsie was there with Dell's Cherokee. He thanked the former stripper for the ride, and she said no problem. He then hopped in his Cherokee and headed to Sheep Mountain to pick up his waiting friends. He backed the trailer down the steep dirt ramp...one of the worst ones on the Yellowstone. There was big river rocks, dirt and mud the whole 10 yards length.
The trio loaded the boat on the trailer and immediately got stuck. Dell put the Cherokee in 4-wheel drive but nothing happened the first time. He tried a second time with the same results. "Why does God hate me?" asked Dell.
Bottom line: Still in his waders, Dell had to go back to the farm house to ask tie-dye and her daughter if he could use their phone again. He knocked on the door, and just like before, the dogs erupted again. Tie-dye answered the door and gladly let him use the phone for a second time. This time, though, Dell had to borrow the phone book to find a tow truck. While looking at the book, Carhartt Rosie approached him and said, "I can tow you out. I've got a 4-wheel-drive van. My husband and I have been building a cabin, and I have chains on the back of the van."
Dell was like "OK, gee thanks!"
Everybody got in the van, including tie-dye mom, stripper daughter, Carhartt Rosie, and three little rat dogs.
Upon arriving at the ramp, Carhartt Rosie jumped out, along with tie-dye mother and stripper daughter, plus the rat dogs. Two dogs ran under the Cherokee, while the stripper held one. Todd asked me where I found all these people. Carhartt wouldn't let Dell or his buddies help with putting on the chains. She had it done in no time and had popped us off the ramp with her van...no problem.
Mike went to take the chains off the vehicle, and Carhartt Rosie jumped out of the van, pushing Mike out of the way. She took off the chains and unhooked everything herself. Mike said, "I got this," but Rosie pushed him aside, saying, "No you don't...you're taking too long"...which drew a snicker from both Todd and Dell.
Meanwhile, Tootsie came driving up and was falling all over herself apologizing for her failure to do our shuttle. Carhartt, tie-dye mom, and stripper daughter jumped back in the van. Dell yelled "thanks" to 'em, and Carhartt waved back, as Tootsie was pushing $25 toward him, saying she felt terrible about being so forgetful. He told her that he understood and that sometimes stuff just happens. He said she could make up for it by providing free shuttle service the next time. She agreed, then headed off down the road.
About that time, Todd asked Dell if he needed a beer. He responded, "Yes, I do, but first let me get out of these waders." As they were getting beer out of the boat and he was taking off his waders, one of the chihuahuas came running up. "Oh, for God's sake," groaned Dell, "this night is never going to end." No sooner had he said this than Carhartt's van came driving up, tie-dye mom stepped out and said, "We forgot Pearl. Come on, Pearl." She picked up the dog, and off they went.
On the ride home, Dell told his friends about all they had missed. Mike responded, "Only in Montana, man." Todd chimed in, "That stripper was cute." And they all busted out laughing.
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