Be Careful Whom and What You Make Fun Of

That's a lesson I heard a lot from my parents while growing up, but it's one...among many...I didn't learn 'til later in life, after I had paid the price. One such example occurred yesterday.

During the course of my day-long misery, I found my mind wondering back to a time when Mom and Dad were living in a nursing home, and Dad, who always was a big man with a voracious appetite, made a fool of himself at the dinner table. You see, the cooks had prepared a giant pot of greens, which he dearly loved, and on that one particular night, couldn't bring himself to say "enough." He ate, then ate some more, and ate still some more...I'm sure you get the picture here.

Unfortunately, as he would learn before that night was over, his gluttony cost him dearly. I received a phone call from the nursing-home staff, telling me that he had developed immense pain in his abdomen and subsequently had been taken to the hospital. The doctor's final analysis: He simply had overindulged himself on the greens.

Many times over the years since that incident, I've had a good laugh about it. After all, Dad survived the episode and went on to enjoy many more good meals...just not in excess. The nursing-home staff made certain of that by entering a special note on his records about what had happened that night with the greens.

You would think that, being privy to what happened to Dad, I would have been smarter than to make fun of him, then turn around and repeat his mistake, but that's exactly what I did night before last. In my case, though, the dish that did me in was one that contained a bigger helping of syrupy fresh fruit than I needed...or, as it turns out, could handle. To be painfully honest, I already was full when my wife said, "Go ahead, Honey, and finish it if you want," after I already had had about three helpings. Despite feeling bloated, I didn't hesitate to woof down what was left with the same vigor I already had devoured the other servings.

As if the pain I endured all day yesterday, until about 2 o'clock this morning, wasn't enough, I now have to deal with the added cruelty of screwing myself out of a fishing trip today, as well...and that really hurts. My tournament partner had called yesterday and asked me to go with him to one of my favorite spots today, and feeling certain I would be well in time, I jumped at the invitation. However, I subsequently figured the "smart" thing to do today was just to hang around the house and take it easy, so I called my partner early this morning and asked for a rain check.

Told my wife this morning, too, that I'm done overeating, and I mean it. When fishing trips start getting cancelled as a result of such instances, it's time to quit. One other thing that's making the cherry on top of this dessert so bitter is the fact I also now have one of my cluster headaches.

OK, I'm crying UNCLE...P-L-E-A-S-E let me off this train!