This Party Boat Rocks...

Or, rather, it may, provided the new owner of this pontoon craft doesn't wreck it and/or maim a member of his family before he learns how to launch and operate it safely.

As luck would have it, my buddy, Skip Schaible, was on hand at West Neck Marina this morning when the owner and his family showed up to take out their newly acquired (not sure if boat is brand new or well-preserved used) pride and joy for a day on the water. Skip initially whipped out his cellphone, snapped a quick photo (see left), and emailed it to me with these words attached: "Biggest boat I have seen launched at West Neck."

I went back to him with this note, "Better hope the guy knows what he's doing--and stays sober until he gets the boat back on the trailer."

That's when I got this response from Skip, "He has no clue of what he is doing. For starters, if the water was any lower, he would have driven off the end of the ramp."

Skip went on to explain that the owner had waded into the water, with a cellphone in his pocket--no less, to push the boat off the trailer. Meanwhile, his 9- or 10-year-old son was running up and down the catwalk, jumping on and off the boat, and there wasn't a life jacket in sight.

Once the craft was in the water, then came the task of backing it away from the catwalk. With the new operator probably trying to remember what the boat salesman had told him or what he had read about backing, the wife looked over and realized the wind was blowing the boat into the dock. As she leaned over to try and push the boat off, the new operator suddenly gunned the outboard and nearly threw her overboard.

The net result of these actions was the boat wedged up against the dock. The owner/operator jumped out, pushed the boat off, then hurriedly hopped back aboard, only to drive the boat into the trees on the right side (facing the ramp). Eventually, more thanks to luck than to skill, the owner/operator got the boat into the channel, leaving only one unanswered question in Skip's mind as the family drove toward open water: Why did the guy keep gunning the motor?

And just so you know. If you happened to miss seeing today's how-not-to demonstration at the ramp, there's a chance you still might get a free ringside seat at a future showing. Know why? Because it just so happens the guy is storing his pontoon boat at the marina. In the words of that tune, "Ain't we the lucky ones?"

I understand Skip's wife, Leslie, got to witness this morning's episode. Said Skip in closing, "I think she is beginning to understand why I don't go out on weekends." Roger that, my friend.