I Couldn't Sleep At All Tonight...And for Good Reason

These words above say it all for me this night, as I lay in bed, unable to get a loving little creature's face and sweet but occasionally testy personality out of my mind. And no, I'm not talking about my wife. Instead, I'm talking about the little rescued kitten we got recently when she was just five weeks old.

Willow (right, with one of her favorite toys in the background), as my wife lovingly named her, came from a situation in which she and a sister kitten had survived their mother's demise at the hands of a ruthless low-life. Whether because of that beginning and/or something else we're not familiar with, little Willow was slow to warm up to us after we brought her home. And at the slightest loud noise or quick movement on the part of my wife or I, she would dive for the nether regions under our love seat in the family room. We also were concerned at first about the fact she never made any meowing sounds. However, she did have one sweet-sounding little motor inside her tiny frame that purred ever so loudly when she was happy.

And, in due time, she started making different sounds, especially as she bounced around playfully in the family room or along about 5:30 or 6:00 in the morning, while telling my wife and I it was time to get up and feed her breakfast. Part of that morning ritual usually involved her weaving in and out between our legs and expecting a dose of petting...sometimes more than others, depending on how hungry she happened to be.

My wife and I had had to adjust our nightly routine from going to bed at midnight and later to about 10 o'clock in order to meet Willow's needs, which wasn't difficult. However, as the days and weeks moved along, yours truly found himself being his ornery ol' self toward both the kitten and the Mrs. Moreover, I began making the kitten my scapegoat too many times.

There also were some occasions when the young kitten, in an effort to have things her way, got a bit testy and lashed out with her claws or her sharp little teeth. As a result, both my wife and I started incurring some scratches and bites. On two occasions, my wife suffered infections from these episodes, which required medical care.

Then came a discussion between my wife and I, in which she asked me what I thought we should do. In haste, I suggested that we call our son and daughter-in-law (who had orchestrated our getting the rescued cat in the first place) and ask if they would like to take the kitten from us to raise it along with the other cat they currently have. A couple phone discussions between my wife and daughter-in-law ensued, culminating in our taking Willow to her new home in Moyock this afternoon.

Call me what you want, but despite all my crustiness from the past 80 years, I get teary-eyed and upset when, for whatever reason, I lose a person or a pet that I love, and that includes the sweet, little, soft, furry four-legged friend my wife and I called Willow. Granted, we still will be able to see her when we visit the kids, but that's not like having her for our own, watching all the little things she does, and hearing those sweet sounds she makes.

That photo I used to introduce this item definitely says what I'm feeling this night. And I'll let you in on a little secret, too. If our son and daughter-in-law were to offer letting us have Willow back, I gladly would pay them for the privilege. "But it's only a cat," some of you probably are saying. For both my wife and I, though, it was so much more, and the hurt just isn't going away.

While sitting in the doctor's office earlier today, waiting to undergo my annual wellness check, I kept replaying our short life with sweet Willow and kicking myself for what I did. I even asked the doctor for a prescription to help me overcome my often quick and sharp tongue, which has gotten me into trouble more than once over my lifetime. He obliged, and starting Monday, I will begin taking the new medication. The doc explained that he's starting me on the mild dosage to see how it works, but if need be, there's a stronger version available that definitely will take care of my problem.

Some of you may be wondering why I waited so late in life to take this step. I truly don't know for sure but think it likely was because I never had seen my problem in the same light I saw it in today.

"You never know what you've really got until you lose it"...or as in my case, give it away. I deserve to have my butt kicked. For one foolish moment on my part, a little kitten that had a rough start to her life may very well be traumatized again because of what I did. I should have stayed the course I chose for the long haul.

I know this is a fishing blog, but there are some times when I feel a strong need to speak about something outside of bass fishing...something that's really weighing on my mind, and this is one of those times. In short, there are other things in this life besides bass fishing, and when I mess up, I feel I need to 'fess up, which is what I've done here tonight.