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Yesterday morning, I received a text message from--you guessed it--ol' Ralphie. He had seen the ad for my Skeeter SX-170 in one of the several places I have it advertised for sale. And it just so happens that Ralphie was wanting to do an honorable thing--he was looking to buy my boat as a surprise birthday present for his dear ol' dad. Now before y'all go gettin' all weepy-eyed on me, I beg ya to hold it in--at least 'til you have heard, as Paul Harvey used to say, "the rest of the story." Then you can let it all out--whatever it is that you want to let out.
As ol' Ralphie explained to me in some of the worst English, spelling and punctuation I've ever seen in my life, he--a hard-working engineer--just happened to be away from his hometown of Oshkosh, Wisconsin. By gosh! How much more American can you get than that? Anyway, his work had taken him to a job down on the Mexican border, where (conveniently) there's no cellphone service. The only way we could converse was by texting or email--I chose the latter, 'cause I hate the former.
He first asked me if I could tell him the boat's history. He also wondered if I could get him a few more close-up photos than the ones accompanying the ad, and, too, he wanted to know why I was selling the boat.
Knowing what I was dealing with (rats all smell the same, whether they have two or four legs), I sent him back some half-baked answers, but included a question of my own: "Just how, if you should decide to buy this boat, do you plan to move it from Virginia Beach to Oshkosh?"
The next note from ol' Ralphie was simply unbelievable. This dude wanted either my PayPal or bank-account information--making sure I included the routing number with the latter, if I chose that route--so he could transfer the appropriate sum from his PayPal account directly into my account. And he was going to have his agent contact me directly about arranging pickup of the boat.
My next note back to him was very succinct: "Sorry, but this is a cash-deal only." And you know what? I haven't heard another peep from ol' Ralphie.
The Internet is full of cases just like what I experienced yesterday. Unfortunately, in a few instances, people are crazy enough to allow the crooks access to their accounts and end up losing everything.
In my case, the first tip-off that someone is trying to scam me is all the atrocious mistakes with English, spelling and punctuation inherent in their texts and emails. I just love taking out my editor's pencil and using their garbage to keep my 50-plus-year-old skills sharp. It also doesn't hurt that I've researched a lot of this kind of stuff on the Internet and am wary enough to keep the shysters at bay.
Before all is said and done, I wouldn't doubt that I don't get confronted by a few more of these would-be thieves before I meet someone with a bona fide interest in buying my SX-170. That's OK, though, 'cause I'll just derive a few more chuckles like I used to get as a Sailor in some of those foreign ports my ships would visit. Most "salts" know what I'm talking about--the scenario where a young, disheveled boy runs up to you as you step off the brow and says, "Hey, joe, you wanna meet my mom? ... ."
To anyone who's never been there, I only would say, "Yes, folks, that sort of thing used to really happen, just as surely as you used to find signs in Norfolk that read, 'Sailors and dogs keep off the grass.' Whether the former happens yet today, I can't say. You'd have to ask someone who still wears the uniform and deploys overseas."
However, I feel reasonably certain you won't find any more signs in Norfolk warning Sailors and dogs to keep off the grass. The only people seeing signs today in Hampton Roads (and no, I'll never recognize a "Coastal Virginia") are the local politicians who see nothing but $$$$ signs when it comes to the military population. Need I say more?
Anybody remember Humpy Dumpty in Naples!!!
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